A great loss

This post is dedicated to my dear friend, Mary Riedel, her boyfriend Nate Peterson and their beautiful baby girl Liliana. I recieved news on Sunday morning from my mom that late Saturday night due to Menangitis Liliana had passed away. It took her in less than twenty four hours. She was nine months old, born a month before Giselle.
I grew up with a group of about seven close girlfriends. Four of which, including myself, ended up pregnant together. Amazing but true. Our big bellies brought us together after years of not being connected. This wild journey has been even more amazing being able to share it with the ladies I love and dream about our children growing up as best friends, just as we did. I have watched my friends and I grow in amazing ways. Our hearts wide open, our wisdom and direction deepening. Being a mother has been the utmost of blessings.
A parent never, ever wants to survive their children at any time, any age. And a new mom looks out onto the world with bright eyes, a big open heart and deep contentment for the beautiful gift they posess in their arms. I know from first hand experience right now. And I think that is why this is excrutiatingly painful for me as well. My heart is in a million pieces as hour by hour I think about Mary and Nate. As I kiss Giselle and nurse her, I thank god, but am also so overwhelmed by the great loss that Mary is feeling. I feel it with her. In my Christmas album that I emailed a month back there is a picture of Mary holding Giselle and I holding little Liliana. For that visit, Liliana didn´t want anyone but her mama. I watched the two of them so in love, and this image is forever imprinted in my mind. So I wrote a poem for them. It´s is just how I feel. Not rose colored, because I can´t find the reason in this quite yet. But it is a deep connection with how I feel, and a piece of what I imagine Mary must be feeling.. Please say a prayer for them. I thank God for all of you..

In my minds eye
I think back to
a time not so far away
When a sweet baby girl
only wanted her mama
And her mama only for her
With eye brows raised
and lips closed tight
She slowly made her way through the world
But her life cut too short
For any to understand
A space no one can fill
And though they say
It is better to have loved and lost
Than not ever loved at all
I wonder if that author
ever said a short goodbye
to the one they loved the most
so as I sit in silence
As the quiet night creeps in
I say a prayer for my dear friend
in the same breath wishing
I could turn back the time
How does a mother go on
with empty arms?
Where does the strength to
take the next breath come from?
What can I do to ease even
the slightest of the pain?
I reach out my arms to you
an embrace from near and far
whisper in your ear
I am so sorry. I am so sorry.
I pray for you healing and strength
I share in your broken heart
And Liliana, in my heart will live on
for the rest of my life.